Hey, What's Happenin'? Contribute To Mike Schmidt Inc.


That's the best way for me to describe this week's show: Turbulence. Just a non-stop shakeup from my head to your ears. Even though it won't make sense right now, I'll include the video here for your perusal; I thought there was going to be more to it, but Lili decided this was the way to go. I agree ... and let's face it, it's not like anyone is watching these things anyway. The general public (that's you) has essentially given the thumbs-down to seeing me (that's me) talk, opting for an ears-only approach that I really can't argue with. Let's hope this trend doesn't continue in San Francisco, as playing to a room full of people with their eyes closed might be a tad disconcerting. By the way - "room full of people"? HA!

I talked a little on the episode about my rejected submission for The Onion sports show, and it now dawns on me that I can share some of that mocked and spit-upon material with you folks right here. Here you go; you're only getting some of the headlines, as giving you the entire breakdown seems indulgent and pointless. I think we all know I prefer to save my indulgence and pointlessness for the podcast...

Every single coach at the amateur level admits to molesting at least one protégé

NFL announces Super Bowl moving to pay-per-view in 2015. Why? Because “fuck you”, that’s why

Alex Ovechkin kills Mario Lemieux during charity exhibition, forces Sidney Crosby into one-on-one he can’t win … or can he?

Larry Flynt announces formation of “National Rape League”

66% of NASCAR fans polled feel Jeff Gordon is a faggot, 15% say he’s just a pussy, 11% say he’s a queer, 5% say he’s a pole smoker, and 3% are undecided.

MMA fighter comes out of closet, ruins gay subtext for male fans

Oklahoma City officials talking with Seahawks and Mariners “just to rub it in”

With no comeback on the horizon, S.F. fans forced to admit Barry Bonds is a jagoff

Gilbert Arenas guns down Bango The Buck, claiming, “He pulled first”

Neil Everett stuns “SportsCenter” audience by using reference from this decade

While shopping reality show, Dennis Rodman confronted by actual reality

Not getting hired was disappointing to be sure, but not to worry; I'm sure another job I'm perfect for and have been waiting for all of my life will come along soon.



hi Mike. Just thought I would let you know I was wandering around in here, cleaning up after a rough night. The Garbage is out, the tub is scrubbed and the kitchen is spic and span. Now where did that secretary go?

I know you're being sarcastic in that last line, but I feel SO strongly that your on the cusp of something incredible--this one man show is the beginning of something.

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