With Apologies To Jello And John...

“I’m The Donald Uber Alles”

I am Billionaire Donald Trump
Floating through life like Forrest Gump
Soon I will be President

GOP power has come my way
I will be your boss one day
I will pink slip all of you
Your kids will say, “You’re Fired” in school
Your kids will say, “You’re Fired” in school

I’m The Donald Uber Alles
I’m The Donald Uber Alles
Uber Alles I’m The Donald
Uber Alles I’m The Donald

Media made me, we fooled you
Poll numbers just grew and grew
Death to Rubio, death to Cruz
Bernie’s done, Hillary’s a cooze

Ignorance has put me here

It's Alright, I'm Not Dangerous...

Dammit – I love a Chris Brown song.

I was driving when “Fine China” came on. Saw the name of the artist and instinctively raised my hand to defend myself from the beat, but the greatness of the song just repeatedly smashed me in the face. Got to a stoplight and actually locked my hands behind my head, covering my ears with my elbows to protect myself from the breezy pop attack.

You Care, Everybody Cares...

So, how was your week?

Eventually I'll respond to everyone individually, but since we all know that's gonna take a while I wanted to send out a blanket thank you ... and you know this is important if I'm re-visiting the blog. Had such big plans for this place; we were all so young then, full of life and so excited to type. What happened to us, man?

Making The Sausage, Part One...

Mike Schmidt Activity Stream Image
Mike Schmidt Activity Stream Image

Explosions Of Id...

For the longest time, Mex and I had an idea of taking short bursts of dialogue from "The 40 Year Old Boy" and using them for ... something. Posters? Maybe. Tote bags? Thought about it. Bumper Stickers? Please. You've heard the show; have I ever said one thing that would even FIT on a bumper sticker, let alone conform to public indecency statutes? The last thing you want to hear from a cop when you get pulled over is, "Ma'am, two questions: who are The Screw Brothers, and what exactly is an Apecock 2000?" Now, though - now we think we've got something...

Mike Schmidt Activity Stream Image

I Know, I Know...

... I said I was going to be doing this more often, and I am. The main thing I need to do is shake the feeling that every entry needs to be a fucking novel. Nothing wrong with a quick-hitter to justify people visiting more often. Case in point, this brief yet powerful entry.

Worth The Wait...

Three months.

That’s how long it takes to get your website up and running. At least, that’s how long it took for me to get my site online – and by “me”, I mean “everybody but me.” Seriously, take a look around here; do you really see anything of importance I might have provided? Christ, other than these words you’re reading I’ve contributed virtually nothing to this brilliance … well, unless you count “staring slack jawed” as a contribution. If so, then I’ve contributed more than ten men combined.

You Better Call Up The Ambulance, I'm Deep In Shock...

Ridiculous Rumors, Today’s soundtrack: Foo Fighters, “In Your Honor��? Let’s tear it up with the purveyors of one of the best concerts I saw this year. A great show top to bottom, enhanced at the end by the appearance of one Stewart Copeland on drums for the Police classic “Next To You��?.

You've Got To Roll With The Punches To Get To What's Real...

Power Hungry Embarrassments, Today’s soundtrack: Nine Inch Nails, “The Downward Spiralâ€? Trent Reznor fuels the morning; many a drive was spent rewinding this cassette, listening to “A Warm Placeâ€? and dreaming of the day when thousands of people would spend week in and week out hanging on my every word.

All The Other Girls, They Be Put To Shame...

Puppy Lovers, Today’s soundtrack: “Almost Famousâ€? Cameron Crowe…what to do, what to do. Having sat through “Elizabethtownâ€?, you’d think I’d want to punch him in that wavy-haired head of his, but you’d be wrong. “Almost Famousâ€? buys the man all the good will he needs to avoid my wrath for eternity.
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