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You Wanna Help Me Out? Well, Help Me Out!

After the exchanging of many e-mails, The Incredibly Gracious Trainer Who Offered To Train Me In Return For Plugs And Publicity and I decided on a workout schedule, replete with places, times, exercises, etc. July 6th was the big day, a day to be filled with evaluations, tires/sledgehammers, shuttle runs, and throwing kicks and punches until one of us collapsed - most likely me. It was all set; I dug my workout clothes out of the closet, located and packed up my 4 oz. gloves, my knee braces were oiled and ready. The first steps of a journey I've taken many times. And then...

And then The Incredibly Gracious Trainer Who Offered To Train Me In Return For Plugs And Publicity remembered he was going on vacation this week. He still could have seen me July 6th, but after not hearing back from him I had made appointments to look at theaters that night. More e-mails were sent, workout gear was shelved, and a new start date of Tuesday, July 20th was decided upon ... by me, anyway. I've yet to hear back from The Incredibly Gracious Trainer Who Offered To Train Me In Return For Plugs And Publicity, who I imagine is on a beach somewhere, far from thoughts about the neurotic fat guy begging for a second lease on life. Good for him; relax now, Incredibly Gracious Trainer Who Offered To Train Me In Return For Plugs And Publicity; you'll need to be well-rested to take on the mountain of suck that types this entry.

All I can do for the next twelve days is eat right, keep up the vitamins ... and I guess could probably work out on my own as well, huh? No? Yeah, you're probably right; best to wait for the professional to get involved. Good thinking, Straw Man I Created To Take The Blame Away From Myself.

Keep posting your progress, people; can't wait until I have some of my own to share.

Mike
mikeschmidtcomedy.com

Comments

Hey Mike, What's Happenin'.

I can't say that I have ever been 'fat Joel.' I have always been the fatter of my group of cronies. Well when I lost my job back in November 09, I decided to motivate myself into shape (and by motivate I mean work my ass off). Let me back up...

Turns out I was 'Fat Joel,' and no one had said anything to me. I had a cushy high profile job which made me work like crazy, but I had no free time to burn off calories so over the course of 2 years I had gained 40 lbs. I'm 5'10'' and in November 09 I was 260 lbs. When I was in my slightly younger days I maintained a not so lean 220 (with hardly any muscle mass).

Then I was 260 lbs with no muscle mass. I know I can't break scales at 260, but for me, my heart jumped every time I slid on a scale and it took an extra second or two to calculate my mass.
Well I don't want to sound like an infomercial, but I didn't want to pay for a trainer or a gym, and I started searching the market for that "thing" that could work for me. I found it, P90X, I know you have heard about it, and it really does work wonders. If you, yourself, work wonders.

It is hard, intense and progress seems slow. However, in 90 days time, I had lost not only the 40 lbs, but lowered my body fat percentage and gained a ton of muscle relative to my previous muscle mass.
I guess everyone needs to find their own way to make themselves better, and P90X worked for me, now I only have to do the workout twice a week to maintain and I add on another if I overeat.

Soon I am going to start another full 90 day regiment and maybe, just maybe, become 'Athletic Muscled Joel' but for now I am 'Chubby Muscled Joel.' Which still feels great.

I know you can do it Mike! While I was dealing with my fat self I was also quitting cigarettes, cutting way back on my other smoking, avoiding high fructose corn syrup (which severely effects your energy levels and how your body processes food) and fast food like a bandit, breaking up with a LTR and moving once or twice. I mean this in a sincerely nice way, all you have to do is lose some weight! (Right?)

Well I'll shut up now, good luck to both of us I suppose.

7-12-10 weigh-in, 285 pounds, total loss 16 pounds.

So I said I'd start going to the gym on the 1st of June.

I'm going tomorrow.

FUCK

7-12-10 weigh-in, 287 pounds, total loss 14 pounds.

I can't blame Mike for making excuses, because I've definitely been using Mike as an excuse. For going on a year now, I've been telling myself that I'd wait for Rocky with a blog to begin, and then try to race Mike. That was all the excuse I needed to stop by KFC before work and 7/11 after, but no more. I just had occasion to look at photos on facebook that other people have tagged of me, and I DID NOT like what I saw.

As far as I know, I have never hit 400 lbs. That's because I generally refuse to weigh myself when I know I'm over 350 lbs. My new goal is to turn my plausible deniability into something more real and more healthy. I figure, with my frame, if I can get down to 250 lbs., I would look fucking awesome.

I'm gonna start by getting rid of this box of Mike & Ike I've been eating. Even though I was saving the strawberry for last which means I didn't even get to have any of them yet. Sacrifices will be made.

Dude! What's with all the excuses, man? So this mythical trainer on vacation is stopping you from starting???

Come on!

You don't need a trainer to go to the gym and job a few miles on a treadmill or ride a stationary bike for an hour, do you? Throw in a little light resistance training too. And you can even check out the hot girls while you are there...You know what to do - you used to do it before, right?

Just go do something on your own while you're waiting - you don't a need a trainer for a simple workout...that can come later. With 2 weeks of cardio and some muscle growth between now and the 20th, you won't get so discouraged when the trainer (hopefully) kicks your ass.

Trainers are good motivators for people, and they can teach technique, but in the end the only way you succeed is if you motivate yourself, right?

The Biggest Loser is a clear example - they do great as long as they have a monkey on their back, but most leave and lose the drive and gain it all back. You gotta be your own trainer.

But you already know that...

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